isChris

A distant window, surrounded in darkness. Viewed from a distance, you influence curiosity. Such a small window from afar. Only to be closer; your secrets would be unveiled. But what’s in a window up close and so near? When at a distance, you allow my imagination to flourish; to what secrets you stow.

Chris Schubert

Just looked out my window while I was at my computer just now and saw a far away window with light shining through it. This is what I came up with.

A telephone’s ring dances through a two-story house looking for attention from a familiar audience. The single occupant, two rooms down enjoying a quick snack to ease his hunger, hears a familiar melody. His curiosity lifts him from the newly furnished wooden chair wondering who could be calling so unexpectedly. Knowing that the dancing melody would end so quickly, he moved through the house to chase the dancing ring before it stood still. He reaches for the phone to answer it and says “Hello?” An old, faint familiar voice sounds through the phone, “Hello son. It’s me.” His trembling tone kept no secret to what mood this conversation would be. “I would like to see you today” he said. The son knew he should go without asking why. “I’ll be over in a few” the son says, and without hesitation, hangs up the phone, grabs his keys to leave the house; heavily weighed with confused concern. As the son drives the usual route to his father’s house, he notices that there aren’t as many cars on the road as he’s used to. Very few cars made it seem as if he was given this time to think about what his father would like to talk about. “Will he want to apologize for leaving the family when I was so young?” “What if this is about him smashing mom’s head through the thick drywall in our first house?” The son’s thoughts of what his father wanted to discuss became noisy traffic traveling on incomplete roads. As the son pulls up onto the driveway of his father’s house, he pauses for just a moment. Never taking his eyes off his father’s front door, he gets out of the car slowly. Nervously walks towards the door still with racing thoughts of what this future conversation could be. He raises his hand with index finger out to push the doorbell; the doorbell is harder to push this time around. As the doorbell tone finishes, the wait for someone to answer becomes dreadfully long. The door opens with a loud crack. His father lets him in. The father and son, almost strangers to each other, walk to the living room. They both sit without making eye contact.

Father: “I asked you to come over today because… well, I have something to tell you.”

Son: “Okay…”

Father: “You know I have been going to church a lot lately. It’s a new thing for me, but I have become very passionate about it. This past Sunday, the church was asked to reveal their worst committed sin out loud and it shall be forgiven.”

(His father looking at the ground, paused. A quiet ringing sound plays in the son’s ear as he hesitates to figure out when to speak)

Son: “Well, were there people standing up sharing sins they have committed?”

Father: “Yes. I have been waiting for an opportunity just as this one to get something off my chest. It has been weighing on me for years and sometimes I can’t even sleep. When I voluntarily stood up to share my sin, I froze. I couldn’t do it.”

Son: “What happened? If its been bothering you all these years; I mean it was a great opportunity to get it off your chest.”

Father: “As I stood up, my thoughts raced through my head about what this meant to me. It was too emotional for me to share. The pastor moved on to the next person. At this point I could no longer hear my surroundings of others sharing their sins. It was like I was alone.”

(Tears running down his face gave his son goosebumps on his skin. As he starred at his father; watched as his head raised to look at him with flushed out bright red eyes.)

Father: “In this moment of silence I came to a realization. Over the years I have watched over you son. I have always loved you. I always wondered if you would ever accept me for who I am. Who I truly am.”

(A rush of tears run down his face of embarrassment.)

Son: “Dad, I love you so much. Of course I accept you; who you are is who I am and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Father: “I realized I didn’t care that I confessed my worst sin to the church. I didn’t want their forgiveness. I didn’t need them to know. Son, I only wanted you to know. I want to tell you my worst sin. Please… I’m sorry for what I am…. I….”

(Looking into his fathers eyes forgetting to blink; heart racing clueless to what his old man is about to confess to him. Wondering if he will be able to handle it. “Can I handle it?”….)

(Both looking at each other with words only spoken in their own minds.)

Father: “Son. I want to confess my worst sin to you. I… I have killed many men while at war. Fathers and sons alike. These lives taken by me. My actions can never be undone.”

(It becomes too hard to look into his sons eyes and he continues…)

Father: “No man should have the right to take another man life in this world. I… I kept thinking about you. What if it was you out there, a stranger to a man but an enemy for a reason you both didn’t start. I have taken lives; gods gift to man. I can never forgive myself for what I have done. I hid my darkness from you as you grew up. Like a heavy rock in my chest every time I looked into your eyes. I am…. I’m a monster. I love you son. And I hope you can one day forgive me for what I have done. You deserve better than this.”

(He looks up at his son to see if a disgusted expression showed on his sons face. His son looking toward the ground. He can’t see his son’s eyes to look into his eyes. Hoping to hear anything from his son. Heart aching with embarrassment. “Please dont hate me..” he thinks to himself as he still stares at the top of his son’s head.)

(His son raises his head after a moment and looks into his dad’s tearing bright red eyes)

Son: “Dad. You are no monster. I love you. I accept you. I forgive you.”

Chris Schubert

“I don’t think she understands the sacrifices that I made

Maybe if this bitch had acted right I would’ve stayed

But I’ve already wasted over half of my life I would’ve laid

Down and died for you I no longer cry for you

No more pain bitch you

Took me for granted took my heart and ran it straight into the planet

Into the dirt I can no longer stand it

Now my respect I demand it

Imma take control of this relationship

Command it, and imma be the boss of you now goddamnit

And what I mean is that I will no longer let you control me

So you better hear me out this much you owe me

I gave up my life for you, totally devoted to you while I’ve stayed

Faithful all the way this is how I fucking get repaid”

Eminem

Walking to class on a typical Wednesday, I was lost in my endless unorganized thoughts. The boring sidewalk stares at me while I keep my head down on the way to class. From the corner of my eye I catch a glimpse of something beautiful, something that I can’t help not to look; I must look. Her beauty forces me to look at her as if she were that blue light on someones’ porch; the bugs have no choice but to fly to their death. She saw me look at her. We have been friends for several years now so this was not one of those awkward moments when a girl catches a guy staring. I nervously wave at her trying my hardest to hide it. She waves back and starts walking towards me. “What do I say to her when she gets here?” “Why is it so hard to talk to a girl I like?” As she approaches me at a steady pace I think, “Does she know I like her?”. She stands in front of me with a confidence that only other confident people ignore. A numbing feeling flows through my body as we start to talk; this hidden uncontrollable feeling guys won’t admit to. We started walking to her class, continuing our small talk as I pay attention to my fumbling sentences. Something I say makes her laugh; it was my intention. Hearing her laugh makes me comfortable around her. I wonder if this can be something more. This friendship. This relationship. We are both looking, but are we looking for each other? We approach her classroom door and stand in its’ front for a moment. We are in place, now having to look at each other while conversing. There is a major change in difficulty when a guy walks and talks next to a girl than having to stand in parallel. I don’t feel too nervous, but still difficult to keep eye contact. I make sure to keep the conversation exciting; I don’t want her to get bored. I can tell she feels comfortable around me. Her class is about to start. This information makes me want to have the ability to pause time. She is slowly trying to end the conversation, not knowing I want her to stay. I need to see her again. I want that feeling. Here goes nothing. “Maybe after class, we can get lunch?”. Those words, as they left my mouth, took every ounce of energy and courage I had left in me. Its always the moment before the answer that a guy is at his most vulnerable state. A mystery, wanting to know the answer before it ends. Feels like forever. She replies, “I’d love to.”

Chris Schubert

The feeling of a rough solid surface against his body was uncomfortable to say the least, but it was not the reason he awoke from the endless darkness. Mists of icy cold droplets ricocheting from a pipe swept over his face allowing one to wake from the deepest sleep. While the groggy feeling inside him was unsettling, blurriness was the only thing viewable through the slowly opening eyelids. Confused but scared, “where?” was all he could think.